How To Stop Doubting Your Relationship (2023)

Introduction

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One of the challenges some of us face in a relationship is doubt. There are a few things that I guarantee that this video will bring you: understanding where doubt comes from and how do you deal with it.

Watch and Enjoy!
Kirk & Kim Duncan

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Kirk Duncan – President/Founder of 3 Key Elements, provides contemporary training and a greater perspective for fine-tuning personal, family, and business communications. He trains you how to implement these techniques, and experience improved relationships, increased awareness, and more productivity and effectiveness in your life.

Kim Duncan – Vice President of 3 Key Elements, loves to teach others about the abundant power that a woman has when she embraces her feminine energy—in the home, in the workplace, in the community, and in the world.

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Video by:
Nate Woodbury - YouTube Producer
BeTheHeroStudios.com
www.youtube.com/c/NateWoodbury

Video

Being in a relationship, it has its challenges.

But.

Watch closely as we talk about how to stop the doubt in your relationship.

Here.

You are in a relationship and you're wanted to go well, but oh..

And.

Why is this doubt coming into your relationship?? Like, what's, happening?, You, got these questions, going on., You know.

You kind of look at this relationship and you're wondering about it.

You may even feel like this insight feeling like you are almost wanting to pull away from this relationship.

Kind of distance yourself from this person.

Well.

This doubt in your relationship, maybe before you make a final decision, let's, talk about some things about what may be happening in your relationship.

Because.

It would not be good.

If there was just some small tweaks that you could do that you would miss that.

And you would actually get rid of this relationship.

Or step away from it.

So let's, talk for just a moment about where, why? Or how this doubt in your relationship has even come from? Well, in a relationship, when we first are connected and we're communicating in a relationship, there's, a lot of new things, a lot of fresh things that are happening., You know, and that could be very exciting in a relationship.

As time goes by in a relationship, no matter what kind of relationship it is, because an amount of time has gone by.

Our mind wears off of the new and starts to look at everything that is now going on.

Our mind is gathering evidence.

It gathers information.

And it gathers evidence.

And, that's, its job.

Every single day.

The.

Mind is constantly evaluating the surroundings, checking on people.

Checking on things.

Checking on everything.

The minds constantly gathering information.

But.

What kind of information? What kind of evidence is the mind gathering?, You know, when we have a small difficulty, just a little one.

We have a small difficulty with a person.

Our mind could actually turn and start to look at what other difficulties were having.

What.

Other challenges were having.

Now, wouldn't.

You agree that being in a relationship already has its own challenges and difficulties, right? Because there's difference of opinions, difference of flavors, difference of favorite things., So, there's, always these little differences.

But after the newness of the relationship.

The mind starts to notice these differences.

But it's.

What we do with this evidence.

And, what we do with this information that can dramatically affect our relationship.

Let's check this out.

In, a relationship, there's, one type of evidence and there's another type of evidence.

I'm going to call this the good evidence and we're going to call this the negative side of gathering evidence about this person.

You have a relationship with.

If.

We gather too much evidence about what is wrong.

We can push anything away.

We could push a person away.

We can push an opportunity.

Away.

We can push anything away if we gather enough, bad, evidence.

But.

If we gather enough good evidence, we can pull something close to us.

We could engage closer with that.

We could desire to have a better connection with that person.

So.

It really comes down to how are we way out this evidence that we keep picking up on each day., Now, I've been married for 27, years.

And over 27 years of marriage, I've found that there are things about myself.

There are things about my wife Kim that literally I could find enough evidence about myself to remove myself from a relationship.

I could nitpick me to literally death.

Really, I could nitpick myself of all the things they do wrong, all the things that I forget, everything that I'm not good at.

And I could find enough evidence.

Enough evidence to justify me to walk away from the relationship.

I could.

I could find enough bad things in another person to push them.

Away.

You could do the same thing.

You could nitpick yourself so bad and get so consumed with everything you do wrong.

You could actually in that moment, just decide you're completely worthless and walk away.

You could do the same thing.

In fact.

Anybody could do this.

Wow.

How are we even staying together as a relationship, right?? I mean, we could literally ruin all of our relationships by the type of evidence.

We go looking for and how we stack up that evidence.

You could have a couple children and one..

Or.

Maybe you have a couple children.

You've seen this happen.

Before.

But.

You can have a family has a couple children and there's.

This one child that causes all the problems.

This.

One child that causes all the difficulty.

And all this attention gets pointed at the child that that child has all these challenges.

You can stack up enough evidence about a child to turn them into a bad child.

So.

What I'm suggesting to you here is your ability to interact in a relationship is based upon your mind.

It's based upon what you're thinking, it's based upon what you're looking for.

And.

You can tip the scale, either way.

Totally tip the scale either way based upon what you're focused on.

Because, whatever you're focusing on.

Your mind is going to keep gathering evidence in that particular direction.

If.

Your spouse is driving you crazy and they're driving you nuts.

And you keep looking at all the things that they're driving you nuts.

About, your mind is not going to stop looking for what's wrong.

It's going to keep looking.

That's.

The way the mind is.

Whatever.

We point its attention on and whatever the intention of the attention.

It will stay on that track until we turn it to look at a different way., So, let's say, your spouse is driving you nuts.

And they do some things that irritate you.

And.

You notice them every single day.

Well.

If you look at this, if you take all that evidence of what you're finding in that relationship about how they're driving your nuts.

This evidence is going to stack up over here.

It's going to totally do this right? Here.

"Oh, there.

It is again.

Again, again, again, again, again, again.", And, you're going to keep adding it.

Up., And.

Every day, your mind is geared this direction.

And this evidence will outweigh that evidence.

And when the evidence on this side of the negative things that's going on in life, you will mentally push the relationship away.

And then you will physically push the relationship.

Away.

Whatever.

We do with our behavior.

We first had that experience inside of our mind.

So, as soon as we mentally start to be tired of somebody, it's, only a matter of time before we physically try to remove that person from our life.

Either.

We go away or they go away., Now that's, not a healthy relationship.

Like, I said, before.

I could do this to myself by the evidence I gather about myself, or the evidence I gather about Kim.

I mean.

My wife Kim, she could stack up the evidence over here enough to go, "Why.

Am I even with Kirk?" Right? She could do that.

But, here's, the..

Here's.

The part to think about is this.

We're going to stack up the evidence over here.

And.

If we're not looking over here for the evidence of what's good., it gets out of balance, and it comes over here.

And then you start to doubt.

Tou start to doubt.

The relationship.

But I've worked with many couples., You, know, coaching and mentoring couples.

And come to find out.

The problem is is because one of them is so focused on this.

And I asked the spouse, "Can.

You tell me anything good about your spouse?" And.

They can barely come up with 2 or 3, things.

And.

What it tells me is the person is not managing their mind.

We are people.

And being people.

We are human and being human.

We make mistakes.

And when we make mistakes.

What happens is if the person who is in the relationship with us, they don't let go of those mistakes.

Then it just starts to add up as credit or discredits at us.

And.

It will ruin the relationship.

Now, when something does go wrong.

Of course, you need to have conversations, right?, You, sort things, out., But, it's, how you stack the evidence.

And it's sad.

It is absolutely sad and just completely disheartening to see a good relationship, crumble and fall apart, because neither of them understood the value and the importance of managing what their mind is focused.

On.

I was coaching a husband and wife.

And one of the spouses told me that when their spouse would get on their laptop and type on their laptop, that just the sound of their fingers hitting the keys on the keyboard made them really mad.

And I looked at the spouse and I thought, "You, get triggered by fingers on computer Keys? Like, just that noise?" And, they're, like, "Oh, I, just can't stand the way that they type." You, know, wow!, What?, What else.

What are the ways should they type?? And? I, don't, know., I, just..., They, just need to type different.

I, sat there just like flabbergasted like, "What are this person's problem?", I, said, "Well.

What other things drive you nuts?" Oh.

My goodness, they came up with the biggest, longest list of all these things that their spouse drove them nuts.

And.

Then you you can tell where I went with my next question.

"Well.

What do you like about your spouse?" And here over here? They got like 30 things.

30 on the list of everything that they don't like.

And.

Then when it came to the good, they came up with like 4.

It made sense.

Made sense.

Why they're not doing well.

Made sense, whether doubting the relationship.

So I gave them the challenge.

I gave them the challenge.

I said, the challenge is, "Over.

The next 7, days, you come up with 100 reasons and hundred why's.

You love your spouse.", If you're going to look at other things that your spouse does that drives you nuts, but you're, not going to find the other parts that is good, of course, they're going to turn out bad.

So.

We need to take a look at how you tip the mind.

First.

You got to examine your thoughts.

Then.

You become insightful and realize that you are not balancing your mind very well.

Now, notice, I'm, not pointing the finger at the other person.

I'm, pointing my finger at you and how you're managing your mind.

So to look at where your thoughts are directed., Get insightful to notice, "Whoa.

What am I doing inside of my head?" And now, it's time to change the perspective.

Be able to adjust this.

Be able to take a look at things in a more balanced way.

If.

You have a lot of evidence over here and hardly any.

And if evidence over here, you need to take a look at the way, you're, thinking., What, you're, focused, on.

But.

If you want the relationship to turn out well, even though you're in a place of doubt, right, now., If, you want this relationship to turn out well, it's going to be required of you to literally find 100 reasons why this is a great relationship., 100., If.

You don't, manage your mind.

You can't, manage.

Your relationship.

Relationship is a connection.

It's, a physical connection, it's, an emotional connection and it's also a mind connection.

And.

If your mind wanders and starts looking for only the things that are wrong, it's, just a matter of time before the relationship is over or struggling.

But.

It is a game-changer.

It is a game-changer to get the other side of your mind activated in finding what is good., 100 different things that you love about this relationship.

100., Before, you ever even think about putting distance between you and the other person in this relationship, do your list of 100.

And.

If you want to go the extra mile, a list of 200., I know, you're thinking., "Oh, that's, a lot of work." It's worth the work because it has to do with your relationship.

And, not doing the mind work, not making the change in the direction of your mind, you're going to keep going towards that other evidence.

And sooner or later.

You'll, push them.

Away., Or, you'll, go away.

But.

If you sense, some doubt, check in with how your mind is balanced., It could just be tipped.

And you can do something about it today to tip.

It back.

So, you can feel confident and sure that you're in a great relationship.

Make, the list of 100.

And do it soon.

Don't, let that doubt stay between the 2 of you.

It's, not going to help at all.

Take, a look at your mind, tip.

It back.

Makes, a huge difference.

And.

Take some action on that today.

Your relationships worth it.

Relationships are powerful.

It's worth the work.

And hey, check us out on the rest of our videos here on our YouTube channel by subscribing.

So, you don't, miss any of the great training.

We have coming to you.

And also.

You want to check out our training course, called royalty and romance.

It's.

All about bringing those relationships, even closer.

Your relationships are worth it..